CONNECTED PARENTING EPISODE 72 – Kids Who Beg & Badger

I hear this so often from parents that I work with regarding their kids; often gladiator and ADHD kids who fixate on something that they just have to have. They will beg and badger until the adult is completely worn down, exhausted and gives in. Over time, the rewarding of that pattern is actually laying down neural pathways in the brain that cause that brain to know “Oh, I have to escalate, I have to start at this level in order to get my way.” Then the next time they just start at a higher and higher level to try and get the thing that they want. The brain remembers, and it is why these behaviors tend to become more exaggerated and intense over time. …until we're like, “Fine,OKAY!”...and then we make a deal. “But you have to do this!” The unfortunate part the eager child in the moment to get what it is they want will agree but then often not keep their end of the deal. In turn making us very, very frustrated and left wondering what to do. If you can relate, then please join me for some strategies on what you can do to get ahead of this behaviour and stand strong no matter what the kids and or teens in your life throw your way. MEET JENNIFER KOLARI Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family. Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers. Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies. Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia. One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid(Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really) Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).   Thanks for Listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others would love to listen, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode, or want to be a guest on the show? Leave a comment in the section below or visit the website to contact me! Follow The Podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow us on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, Amazon, or whatever your favorite podcast app is! Leave Us an Apple Podcasts Review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Don't forget to visit our Connected Parenting Youtube Channel! Check it out! Like us and Subscribe!

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Connected Parenting shares techniques that therapists use to help parents soothe their child as well as enhance the parent-child bond and is based on the understanding that correcting and guiding behavior works best when it is preceded by and linked to empathy. At the heart of this parenting model is the CALM Technique which helps parents accurately attune to children’s affect and experience. These empathic interactions release reward chemicals in the brain that stimulate positive emotions and increase order and balance in the nervous system. Reward chemicals, including natural opiates, endorphins, and a powerful hormone called oxytocin, reduce and inhibit stress hormones and bathe the brain in positive emotions that ripple through every cell in the body. The benefits of empathy and compassion have a strong base in science that cannot be underestimated. Simply put, it is brain food, the emotional nutrition all of us need, perhaps our children most of all. Although many parenting techniques stress the importance of empathy, Connected Parenting will show you how to use it skillfully to repair frayed bonds, deescalate tantrums, contain and correct difficult behaviors and help your child to become more confident and emotionally resilient. We use a collaborative and supportive coaching model and provide inspirational, easy-to-understand techniques grounded in neuroscience and attachment. In the end, your child will be more compliant, more relaxed, and – most importantly – happier. Connected Parenting will bring out the best in you and your child.