84. Reevaluating Your Relationship with Mark Novitsky, MD
Finding balance, support, and boundaries with your partner can be difficult, especially when you’re spending near-constant time together. I’m joined by my husband, Dr. Mark Novitsky, to talk about re-evaluating our relationship. Setting goals and boundaries, making time and effort, and supporting each other is essential for a healthy, thriving, happy relationship. Re-Evaluate your Relationship By: Scheduling regular check-ins for all the different hats you wear Supporting your partner when they need it Set and stick to realistic boundaries, even when it’s hard Recognize the effort your partner makes About Mark Novitsky, MD Dr. Mark Novitsky is a Board Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Board Certified Adult Psychiatrist. Dr. Mark believes that effective work with children involves working closely with parents, schools, and other medical/mental health providers - to achieve a joint goal of optimizing a child’s well-being. His extensive clinical experience includes, but is not limited to: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Mood Disorders Depressive disorder Bipolar disorder Anxiety Disorders and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Childhood trauma/Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder Autism Spectrum Disorder Substance Use Disorders Dr. Mark is an adjunct faculty for Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University’s Department of Psychiatry. He was previously the Corporate Medical Director for one of Philadelphia’s largest non-profit Child Mental Health Organizations. He is a graduate of The Beck Initiative, a joint collaboration between The Aaron T. Beck Center at The University of Pennsylvania and CBH/DBHIDS, for Cognitive Therapy and Research. For the last several years, he has had the privilege of working at Washington DC’s premier psychiatry office, Potomac Psychiatry, as a child and adolescent psychiatrist, adult psychiatrist, and a forensic expert witness providing court testimony in the DC, Maryland, and Virginia region. Potomac Psychiatry has been featured as the Faces of Washington, in The Washingtonian Magazine. Dr. Mark grew up in the Philadelphia suburbs, received his undergraduate degree from Wake Forest University, and attended both medical school and psychiatry residency at Temple University School of Medicine (now Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University). He served as Chief Resident in his third year of residency at Temple. He completed Child and Adolescent fellowship at Thomas Jefferson University, where he served as Chief Fellow. During his fellowship, Dr. Mark was awarded a research grant. He has several publications in peer-reviewed journals and has presented his research at the annual meetings of both the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP). In 2013, his Adherence in Pediatric Psychopharmacology-A Multi-dimensional Perspective and Approach was a docent selection of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Dr. Mark has taught hundreds of medical students and residents, and most recently was the lead Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist in a non-profit public outreach campaign to Philadelphia schools through Michael’s Giving HAND (Micahel P. Donatucci Foundation, Inc ), teaching school administration, teachers, counselors, and parents about how to identify and address Depression, Anxiety, Substance abuse, and Bullying. When he’s not working, Dr. Mark enjoys spending time with his family, walking around Longwood Gardens, checking out live music, and being outdoors with his Labradoodle. The Importance of Boundaries and Communication When the pandemic hit, Dr. Mark and I knew we had to sit down and re-evaluate our relationship and the hats we wore. Living and working in the same house proved to be more challenging than we’d initially expected. We both found ourselves pushing boundaries. It’s still a work-in-progress, but Mark and I opened the conversations that needed to happen so we could get our relationship and happiness back. We knew we needed to establish our goals in our relationship and as parents, but first, we needed to figure out our individual goals. By setting our individual goals, we were able to fit them into our shared goals easier. What’s worked for us is setting aside time to discuss each of the different hats we wear; for example, if we’re on a walk, we dedicate one topic per lap. It’s all about finding what works for you. Support Your Partner, Especially When Things Are Hard One of the things we’ve learned over the last two years is how to support each other as parents, too. Even though we have different parenting styles, we can still show up and ‘tap-in’ when we see the other struggling or needing a bit of extra alone time. When things get difficult, as they do, especially when spending close to 24 hours together, we’ve found that remembering what originally drew us to each other is helpful. Going back to those early roots can help a relationship stay alive and loving. Finally, it doesn’t have to always be about the outcome. I’ve noticed how Mark is making more of an effort in many different areas. I’m so excited to see how our relationship together, as parents, and as business owners continues to grow and evolve. Homework for Women Physicians Are you and your partner setting aside time to have the conversations you need to? Do you struggle to set boundaries with your partner? Let me know in the comments on the episode page how I can support you! In This Episode How to discuss your goals as a couple [7:00] Why it’s not only okay but essential, to have individual goals in a relationship [12:30] The importance of supporting your partner as parents [15:00] Remember why you fell for your partner in the beginning [22:30] The importance of setting aside time to have specific conversations [27:00] Why the effort often matters more than the outcome [28:30] Quotes “The conversation for us started with talking about our couple’s goals. But, in order to get to those couple’s goals, we needed to start with talking about our individual goals and what we’re bringing to the table.” [6:55] “That individual goal really was more than that. I wanted to have the time with Ali, I wanted to be able to do these walks. Once I committed to that goal, I was able to find time, even in this current busy schedule, to achieve some of that.” [13:24] “How did we want to show up as parents? One of the things that we both agreed on was that we wanted to give them life experiences. We want to travel as much as we can, we want to do all those different types of things. When we have that bit to look forward to, it really reminds us of the parents that we do want to be. So when the little things happen, the feistiness or the dumbbells getting thrown, when the tap-outs are happening, we have a vision of how we want to show up as our best selves, as parents. Knowing that there will be different parenting styles amongst partners but it doesn’t matter. You can still work those in and choose to support each other.” [17:36] Resources Mentioned Check out the full episode page here Find Life Coaching for Women Physicians Online Follow Dr. Ali Novitsky on Facebook | Instagram Subscribe to Life Coaching for Women Physicians on Apple Podcasts Podcast production by the team at Counterweight Creative Related Episodes Episode 79: Do More of What Works Episode 81: Say "Yes" to Yourself Episode 77: Not Just One of The Guys