48. The Hierarchy of the Underneath

Last week’s episode was all about the hierarchy of misbehavior, and the two main components at play when you’re dealing with these issues - there’s the Band Aid solution that will stop the misbehavior in the moment, and then there’s the underlying cause. Today I revisit the idea of what’s underneath the behavior, and break down the many reasons why your child may be acting out in the first place. Of course, the first thing to look for is whether they’re hungry or tired. You also want to keep an eye on their blood sugar and make sure you always have plenty of snacks on hand. Next, we want to check to see if their buckets are full - emotional, attention, and power. I explain in great detail the signs that these buckets might be empty, and what you can do to keep them full. My mother used to say that sometimes parents just don't give their kids the chance to be their best selves, and today’s episode is all about giving your little ones the tools and support they need to do exactly that. Next I review the importance of Big Play and getting outside in the elements with your child as much as possible, and I detail my favorite strategies for helping your child regulate their own emotions, such as the throwing corner, “burrito” compression hug, and teaching them to name and identify where their feelings start in their bodies. We want to make sure our kids understand that no emotion is wrong. Finally, I urge parents to look at their child’s diet and be on the lookout for allergies, sensitivities, or overly processed foods as these can often be the culprit for problematic behavior. And I also share an interesting tidbit I recently learned about the difference between men and women’s brain circuitry that may shed some light on why men approach problem-solving differently than women.   The Finer Details of This Episode: We want to put everything in our kids’ corner so they can be their best selves, and that means making sure they’re eating well and getting enough rest Next, ask yourself if their buckets are full (emotional, attention, and power) If they’re in the constant “Why?” phase, this could mean their attention bucket is empty and they’re craving conversation and connection with you If you can give them your focused attention for short spurts throughout the day (I call this the Bouillon Cube), it will go a long way in filling their attention buckets If your kid feels like this time is never enough, it could be an indicator that they aren’t getting enough attention Also keep in mind that your child may simply need you more as life opens up post-pandemic and we dive back into “real life” Toddlers are just so new - they’re small and vulnerable, and they’re hardwired to want power Make sure your toddler is getting lots of Big Play  Getting outside in the elements with your child is also a good chance to have quality time together Some kids seem to have a propensity for deep anger and may say mean things, spit, yell Try not to judge your kid’s emotion or take it personally  If you try to shut down those feelings, they’ll get backed up and cause bigger problems The best gift you can give your kid is emotional wisdom We want to make sure our kids know that no emotions are wrong - the expression of emotion can result in misbehavior, but the emotion itself is not bad Links: Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices