51. Parent Power, Absent Fathers, etc.

On this week’s episode, I want to cover something I’ve noticed becoming quite rampant in the work I do with both parenting and potty training—sustained cajoling as a parental technique. Rewards and compliments are great things to give our kids, but when you start cajoling or bribing to get them to do daily activities, you’re not empowering them, you’re disempowering yourself as a parent. Instead of putting yourself in a position of weakness, I discuss better ways to take control of your parenting, including developing your Mom Voice and using statements, choices, and challenges as your techniques for getting your kid to play ball. The Finer Details of This Episode: When you start cajoling or bribing for daily activities, like getting dressed or putting their shoes on, you run into trouble because you’re asking your child permission to parent them. And by doing so, you’re not empowering them, you’re losing your own power by putting yourself in a position of weakness. My number one rule when you’re potty training is don’t ask your child if they have to go. There are many other, more effective ways to prompt by using a statement, choice, or challenge. I’m a firm believer in the Mom Voice; I want you to cultivate a voice that means business. That doesn’t mean using a mean voice, it means being regulated and letting your kid know that you’re in control. Don’t blow smoke up your kid’s ass by using excessive flattery to get them to do things—children already think they’re the center of the universe, don’t encourage that self-centered perception. I got a question from a listener about dealing with her child’s father not wanting to be part of his life. We tend to see this happening with the biological father more than the mother; some women do abandon their child, but it tends to be coupled with factors that make it almost preferable for them not to have contact. As single moms, we can fall into the trap of thinking our kids are going to communicate as females, but sometimes they need male figures because men communicate very differently to women. As far as full-time homeschooling, I wouldn’t recommend setting up a classroom for kids at an early age, especially for only one child. Part of the reason to do homeschooling is that it gives a lot more freedom in how the kid learns, whereas setting up a classroom keeps you in the mindset of school. Homeschooling lets you break out of the formality of school—and all the crowd control that goes along with it—so you don’t have to stick rigidly to schedules, subjects, or locations. One of the best things you can do is read to your child and provide opportunities for learning words. When Pascal was in kindergarten and first grade, I would label everything from the windows to the tables to the chairs to help him learn sight words. If you’re planning on getting outside regularly as part of homeschooling (which is a great idea!), invest in some gear. The best thing you can do with your kid is get one of those one-piece shells (insulated or not!), and then you can layer all the clothes you need underneath. Go for brand names over generics if you can because they have better heat technology and let you have a slim profile, which makes being outside in the cold so much more pleasant. I tend not to recommend specific brands, but I personally like Hannah Anderson (which are really sturdy and last a long time), Columbia, and North Face. Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Jamie’s Instagram Page: @jamie.glowacki Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices