58. Effective Communication: Askers, Guessers, and Boundaries

Today’s episode is going to be a doozy as I talk to you once again about one of my absolute favorite topics – boundaries. This time, I’m adding in the component of effective communication as well and the impact it has on boundaries, so buckle up! I start by reviewing my well known love of boundaries, and then explain nonviolent communication and the impact that our caregivers’ responses to our needs as children have upon our ability to communicate needs and set boundaries later on in life. We’ll also explore family culture, codependency, and emotionally clean transactions through a fascinating analysis of ‘Ask Culture vs. Guess Culture’ which I have recently discovered. As you will hear, this topic is extremely important to me, not just professionally, but personally as well, and that is precisely why I am so very passionate about this episode. Join me today, and let’s learn together more about ourselves, and how we can enhance all of our relationships with effective communication.   The Finer Details of This Episode: Having boundaries and knowing when to keep them strong and when to bend them is everything Nonviolent communication is a way to get your needs met through effective communication How our caregivers responded to our needs has everything to do with how we communicate our needs and how we set boundaries, and when our caregivers respond poorly to our emotional needs, we grow up with horrible boundaries Your family culture determines how good or bad you are at boundaries Making people guess at what you’re thinking or feeling is not a style of communication, it’s a dysfunction in your family culture Guessers think that somehow they’re responsible for your feelings Nobody is so clairvoyant that they can tell what a person is thinking or feeling at all times Healthy askers accept ‘No’ for an answer We re drawn to people that make us have to work through our shit In a emotionally clean transaction, you don’t have to explain yourself Codependency is defined by investing a lot of time and energy in making sure the other person is not hurt, upset, or disappointed If anybody ever tells you, ‘See what you made me do? You made me…’, that’s a dysfunction and needs to be addressed.   Quotes: “I think boundaries are the secret sauce to life.” “Communication, communing, communion with other human beings in an effective way that gets both our needs met is the closest thing I know to holy – it’s amazing.” “If you’re a guesser, you’re expecting me to read your mind.” “My family would turn on me…I was kicked out of the tribe. That’s a really powerful motivator to not speak your truth.” “It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.” “Finding the need, I think, is the crux of all of this.”   Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/  Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Nonviolent Communication audiobook:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TKMBJKE/ Ask Culture vs. Guess Culture Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/MKEManKindProjectOpenMensGroup/posts/ask-culture-vs-guess-culture-were-you-able-to-ask-for-what-you-wanted-or-did-you/3105247169499428/ ‘The Invitation’ link:  http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices