61. Going Down the Sibling Rivalry Rabbit Hole

Buckle up, Alice, it’s time today for us to all go down the rabbit hole that opens up when we start to look at the wonderful world of sibling rivalry. Conversations with some of my consultant colleagues have raised this topic, which then led to a number of other related topics, so that’s where we’re headed together in this episode. We’ll start with good old sibling rivalry, look at some strategies to help you and your children through this situation, and explore the dangers in ‘infantalizing’ our children rather than raising the expectations and challenging their little brains. Further down the rabbit hole, we’ll cover the importance of autonomy in our children, and I’ll offer a number of ideas and suggestions that will help you instill this vital trait in your kids. While it is true that sibling rivalry is simply a fact of life that we all have to deal with, today’s episode offers some valuable information and practical strategies that you can start implementing today to help prevent the regressions and poor behavior so often associated with it.   The Finer Details of This Episode: · There is almost nothing you can do about sibling rivalry - kids are going to fight and you need to go ‘old school’ when they do - separate them, bribe them for good behavior, consequences for poor behavior · Check in on individual and family connection, but realize that you are never going to meet everybody’s needs · Currently, ‘infantalizing’ our kids is becoming a problem · If you have more than one kid, employ ‘top down parenting’ - Focusing on the expectations of the oldest child raises the level of expectation for the younger children · A lot of the sibling rivalry, regressions, and poor behavior we see in our kids is due to a lack of autonomy · Children’s brains need challenges to grow, to keep busy figuring stuff out · Give children ‘pockets of elevation’ so they can have pride in themselves · Stop bemoaning the growth of your child · Replace saying things like, “You’re such a big kid”, with “I have always loved you, but I love you more each day with all the things you’re capable of doing” · Question every single thing you do for your kids, “Can they do this thing for themselves? Can I teach them to do this thing for themselves?” · Make sure you are leveling up their environment · Revisit the podcast episode about ‘Magical Childhood’ from the first season · Don’t keep them from doing ‘real life things’ to learn   Quotes: “Cut the shit, or I’m not moving this car.” “Stop trying to make them love each other.” “You are literally raising the bar…children rise to the occasion.” “How do you expect your child to act like a big kid when you are not letting them be an actual big kid?” “Good job for fuckin’ breathing, man!” “Celebrate all that your kid can do.” “Nothing in life is fair.” “A kid who feels like they’re part of the household, who’s taking part in the household, feels pride in being part of the village.” “As a whole, we need to start raising our expectations of what they can do and what they’re capable of…you’re going to get better behavior.”   Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/  Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Invent to Learn:  https://inventtolearn.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices