048: Darcy Lockman - All The Rage

Parent Driven Development Episode 048: Darcy Lockman - All The Rage: Mothers, Fathers and The Myth of Equal Partnership 00:23 Welcome, Darcy! Darcy Lockman is a former journalist turned clinical psychologist and the author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership. Her first book, Brooklyn Zoo, chronicled the year she spent working on the psychiatric ward of a city hospital. She lives and practices (for the time being virtually) in New York City. 00:39 Orgins of All The Rage Child care falls on Darcy more than her husband.. moms more than dads? Why are we living like this? The impact of patriarchy on all of us 04:25 Patriarchy instilled into our culture Women carry 65% childcare work, while men carry 35% The feminine is looked down in society Communality / agency - girls raised to be more communal, boys are raised to be more agentic Women join the workforce, but keep up with childcare duties 09:32 How to guide kids with equal partnership at home Kids easily influenced from their outside world Identification with the same sex parent Gender detectives - searching for the group that they belong in The one way glass study Women have this idea that their male partner should not be inconvenienced, and that it’s ok if they are 16:17 Is being traditional wrong? What good dads get away with Stay at home mom stigma 19:05 Dual earning couples is sole focused on from All The Rage Book After work “breaks” ?After work “breaks” ? Unequal experience, unequal ability Taking care of children takes practice Paid paternity leave for men in other countries - use it or lose it 24:20 Who is responsible for the mental load? Techniques to share the workload Women tend to feel more responsible and may have to unlearn this feeling of taking no time off Underbenifitor / Overbenifitor - both sides uncomfortable 29:50 The pandemic is making the invisible workload more visible Possible progress to be made in couples 32:45 Genius / Fail moments JC’s kids have been helping around the house since the pandemic hit, including dinner! #geniuswin Chris grounds steak with kids to make tacos. They were a hit and ready to go, until Chris accidentally dropped a glass dish right next to the taco meat and glass got in the taco meat… Dinner restart #fail Darcy embraces a sugar vacation during the pandemic and let’s her girls feast on junk food that is usually not allowed. #genuisfail maybe?? Get your copy of All The Rage! ### How can I support the podcast? Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected]. Our website is at ParentDrivenDevelopment.com. Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community! *As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Panel JC Avena Chris SextonSpecial Guest: Darcy Lockman.Sponsored By:RAYGUN: This episode is brought to you by RAYGUN. RAYGUN has been called, ’The Greatest Store in the Universe’ by RAYGUN. Saying they are the most important clothing store earth has seen since the early Mesozoic era. They specialize in t-shirts and modesty, and are completely made and produced in the USA. If you breathe oxygen, you’ll love it. Head over to Raygunsite.com to check out your next t-shirt purchase.