People Pleasing — Why You Do It and How to Stop

“People pleasing isn’t love. It’s fear dressed up as kindness.” Have you ever gone along to get along? Said yes when you really wanted to say no? Diminished your desires, your boundaries, or even your calling—just to avoid conflict or gain approval? If so, you're not alone. In this heartfelt and eye-opening Coaches Takeover episode, Coaches Diana and Susan unpack one of the most common struggles among women: people pleasing. With honesty, biblical insight, and hard-earned wisdom, they dive into the roots of this behavior, share real stories of personal growth, and offer gentle but practical steps to help you stop abandoning yourself—and start showing up with truth, courage, and strength. Whether you've been stuck in patterns of self-sacrifice, afraid to speak up, or just feeling exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy, this conversation will meet you with grace and give you tools to walk in freedom. People Pleasing Is a Form of Self-Abandonment At its core, people pleasing happens when we silence our own needs, wants, or convictions in favor of someone else’s. Whether out of fear of rejection, a desire to keep the peace, or a longing for approval, this behavior often stems from insecurity and a loss of self. Susan shares how people pleasing is about needing something from others (like validation or acceptance) and sacrificing yourself to get it—often without even realizing it. You Can’t Heal What You Don’t Notice One of the most powerful things you can do is pause and pay attention. Diana and Susan remind us that many women have been conditioned (in families, churches, or culture) to believe that “being nice” means suppressing their true selves. But without self-awareness, people pleasing becomes an automatic pattern that robs us of authenticity and connection. Naming it is the first step to breaking free. Personal Stories Reveal the Cost of People Pleasing Diana vulnerably shares moments in her life where fear of disappointing others led to missed opportunities—including a professional invitation she turned down simply because she didn’t ask for what she needed. Susan reflects on how being trained as a therapist to be a “blank slate” magnified her already strong pattern of disappearing for others. Their stories highlight how people pleasing may seem noble—but often leads to regret and invisibility. Reclaiming Your Voice Takes Practice—and Courage Breaking free from people pleasing means learning to notice your own preferences, to ask for what you need, and to tolerate the discomfort of not pleasing everyone. This isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. As Susan and Diana point out, many women have never developed a strong sense of self, or it’s been erased by years of criticism or control. Rebuilding it is part of healing, and it takes time, support, and practice. Your Purpose Matters—Don’t Let Fear Steal It People pleasing often leads to lost opportunities, diminished confidence, and emotional exhaustion. But God created you with purpose and worth—and you don’t have to keep hiding or hustling to prove yourself. With the right tools and support, you can step into truth, draw healthy boundaries, and become the strong, faithful woman God called you to be.