Jessica Topor on marriage and family therapy
“Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.”“Now that we are family, we should be getting along but we aren’t.”“We are in this for the long haul, but I don’t know if the long haul is worth the struggles we are encountering.”Approximately 67 percent of what couples argue about never goes away. And the baggage they carry into the marriage never seems to lighten.A happy and healthy marriage can exist … but it takes work. Just because you checked the “married” box doesn’t mean the honeymoon phase will last forever effortlessly.Marriage and family are an active living process that continues for a lifetime.During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Jessica Topor, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health, shares insights about this form of psychotherapy that looks at the behaviors of all family members and the way these behaviors affect each person and their relationships with each other, and the family unit as a whole.Relationships will grow and change. If couples have a common goal and stay focused on it, their commitment – along with hard work – are the skills needed for building lifelong relationships.It sounds simple, but it’s the work part that causes the problems, Jessica finds.Part of her sessions includes a look at the family’s history including siblings. Siblings are the “training wheels” that provide many insights into family dynamics, she finds.Jessica also talks about the baggage each person carried into the marriage. About 90 percent of it can be discarded, she notes.And make sure you find couple time every day – even for one hour. This time should not include talking about the kids or your work. And yes, there is plenty to talk about outside these two topics.