Justin Lehmiller on Cuckolding, Cuckqueening & Sex Fantasies – Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr. Joe Kort

From behaviors and fetishes to kinks and vanilla, Justin and Joe discuss everything including cuckolding – this incredibly common male fetish. What does it say about you if you’re into kinky or BDSM sex? Is cuckqueening for women really a thing too? In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Justin and Joe delve into the truth about how porn and sex fantasies like cuckolding and cuckqueening affect us. 

Joe:                        Welcome to Smart Sex, Smart Love. Dr Justin Lehmiller is founder and editor of Sex and Psychology. Dr Lehmiller's research focuses on topics including casual sex, sexual fantasy, sexual health and friends with benefits. His studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior and the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Dr Lehmiller has run the popular blog, Sex and Psychology since 2011, and it now receives several million page views per year. That's awesome. He's been interviewed by numerous media outlets including the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Boston Globe, CNN, the Atlantic, the Globe and Mail, and the Sunday Times, and has been giving many talks around the world on sex, love and relationships.

His latest book is a New York Times bestseller entitled, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Welcome Justin.

Justin:                   Hey, John. Thanks for having me. And thanks for letting me be here first.

Joe:                        Oh, yeah. No, it's great. I really appreciate you said yes. I wasn't sure you had the time, and I'm glad you could. And I want to say that your blog, I just want to put a plug in personally for it. Your Sex and Psychology blog, to me, even before I knew you, was so helpful, because I always say this to you, you make research understandable. So, here I am, I'm a clinician and I read these research, and I'm like, "I don't know what the person's trying to say." I'll read the discussion, I'm like, "Okay, but how did they really get there?" And you put it into words.

Justin:                   Well, thanks. I try, and I can imagine for the average person looking at some of these academic research studies how mind boggling it must be to look at them. And so, it's an important part of our work to be able to translate that for the average person to be able to understand and show them how they can potentially use that information in their own life.

Joe:                        That's a great word. You do. You translate that information. You do it really, really well. I think that's one of your gifts, really.

Okay, so I want to ask you, you've done so much in your study about different sexual fantasies. The one I thought would be helpful and interesting to talk about on this podcast is cuckholding. And I wondered if you could share what that is.

Justin:                   Sure. Cuckholding is essentially a sexual interest where somebody is turned on or they derive arousal from watching their partner have sex with somebody else. And this is something that's for example a man might practice where he watches his female partner have sex with another man or it could be a man who has sex with men watching his male partner have sex with someone else, this could be involved in any number of gender and sexual orientation combinations.

Joe:                        Now tell me, I'm going to ask you some questions that people ask me, and I'd like you to answer. They'll say, "Well isn't that a three-way?"

Justin:                   Well, its different from your basic threesome, because in a threesome, you have three partners who are all sexually involved in touching each other and physically interacting. In a cuckholding scenario,