Episode 157: Conflict in Divorce with Debra Doak

Debra Doak is back on the show, this time to talk about all things conflict and divorce. Debra is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Family Court Mediator, and the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women.  In this episode, we dissect what it means to have conflict, how (and why) it happens, and what to do when it inevitably shows up in the midst of your divorce. Debra believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict. Show Highlights What conflict is and what causes it to escalate in divorce. (5:02) An amicable divorce does not mean no conflict. Divorce will have conflict. (8:47) What factors contribute to a breakdown in communication when in divorce negotiation. Debra also explains the “assumption iceberg.” (9:44) The five ways people deal with conflict, including assertive or collaborative. (13:01) Effective mediation versus where mediation goes wrong. (15:06) Collaborative conflict divorce takes the longest, but it also has the best outcome for everyone. (18:09) How to invite your soon-to-be-ex into a collaborative discussion. (22:43) How to manage conflict in the moment: use the power of Yes/And. (32:22) Tools for dealing with a high-conflict situation or conversation. (37:33) The key to setting yourself up for success in divorce is preparation. (43:47) Learn more about Debra: Debra is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach, Family Court Mediator, and the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Debra spends time teaching and mentoring new divorce coaches. She is the instructor for the High Conflict portion of the CDC Certified Divorce Coach program, a long-time mentor coach for the CDC program, and is a co-founder and master educator at Divorce Coaches Academy - an online continuing education platform for professional divorce coaches.  She is committed to helping clients speak up for what they deserve in their relationships or at the negotiating table. In her practice, she works one-on-one with clients to help them prepare for a kinder, gentler divorce by providing the practical support and financial information clients need to punch fear in the face.  Debra is dedicated to the profession of divorce coaching and its role as a method of alternative dispute resolution. She believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict.