Abuse vs. Anger and Why Codependents Love Crazy-Makers with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

Carla and Sherry start off the show wishing that more people could accept differing opinions of others, and note the unfortunate nature of a lot of friendships ending during the pandemic because of this. Then, they welcome the “Relationship Help Doctor” aka Dr. Rhoberta Shaler to the show. Rhoberta is an acclaimed speaker, author, and Relationship consultant, and jumps in on the Love Fix question about abuse vs. anger. Rhoberta explains what a relationship hijackal is, and the red flags that we can look for when first dating to date them. She also shares how to express yourself without blame or shame, and to take accountability for your own self-growth and confidence.    What You’ll Hear In This Episode:   We should be allowed to disagree and still be civil and respectful to one another.  The difference between anger and abuse.  We can express and validate our emotions without stuffing them down.  Anger is healthy, it’s what we do with it that becomes unhealthy.  Rhoberta explains what she calls Hijackals, and how they end up causing a crazy-making relationship.  Resources for Rhoberta’s books, podcast, and coaching, along with ways to work with Sherry and Carla on overcoming codependency and gaining confidence. Are you in a toxic relationship with a Hijackal? Or are you possibly one yourself? Rhoberta explains what to look for.  Why do codependent people seem drawn to Hijackals?  Why someone may want to work on themselves while still in a challenging relationship before leaving and repeating the pattern.  Learn to speak up for yourself without blame or shame.  How can you start to protect yourself so you aren’t open to hijackals, even in the dating phase.  A big red flag in the dating phase - future faking. They don’t “get you”, they “gotcha”.   Watch how a person treats the wait staff and refers to their past relationships.    Tweetables: “Mean what you say, don’t say it mean.” - Sherry  “Anger is healthy. It’s a response to life, circumstances and having someone trample on your boundaries. It’s what you do with it that becomes unhealthy.” - Rhoberta  “Hijackals have to win, so they will be fault finding to keep themselves in a superior place.” - Rhoberta  “Hijackles paint a public picture of perfection, while at home they provide a private place of pain.” - Rhoberta    Connect with Us!   The Love Fix | @thelovefixpodcast Wake up Recovery for Codependency, Love Addiction, and Toxic Relationships — $1 trial membership The Love Fix Relationship Quiz     Sign up for a Connection call with Sherry https://sherrygaba.com/coaching/life-coaching/    Find Out More:    Sherry Website | Instagram | Facebook | Love Smacked | Wake Up Recovery for Codependents and Toxic Relationships     Carla Website | Instagram | Facebook | Contagious Love | Online Dating Bootcamp    Dr. Rhoberta Shaler  Website | Save Your Sanity Podcast | Facebook | Instagram | Books    Get professional online counseling with BetterHelp by clicking here. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode.