TPJ 74: Relationship Tips - How Doing What's Fair Gets You Nowhere

Do you feel like you carry the bulk of the load in your relationship? Like all the responsibility falls on you? Like the division of labor and the mental and emotional burden isn’t fair? 

It’s understandable...and it’s also ruining our relationships.

In this episode I’m going to walk you through a series of questions to help you shift your mindset and improve your relationship with your partner. 

[02:16] Are you keeping a running tab of "who does what" in your head? 

[04:05] Keeping score undermines your partnership.

[07:59] A transactional approach to relationships is a major cause of division and conflict in relationships.

[13:36] Is there really such a thing as equality in a relationship?

[14:16] Do you really want things to be totally even, all the time? 

[14:43] Does keeping score promote unconditional love?

[15:58] Does it feel good when you pit yourself against your partner? 

[16:07] Does nitpicking your partner make you love them more or less?

[16:32] When you keep track of how much you give, does that make you a better or worse version of yourself?

[16:53] What does your partner do that you appreciate greatly? 

[17:19] What does it mean to you to love someone and accept them as they are? 

[17:27] How does that look, and how do you know when you're practicing that? 

[17:33] Ultimately, are you displaying unconditional love through it all? 

[18:10] What's the difference between trying to change someone and trying to evolve with someone and influence them? 

[18:30] What does your partner appreciate in you that you might be forgetting or discounting? 

[18:42] What competencies, energies, and skills do you each bring to the relationship?

[18:57] Should we be forcing each other to bring the exact same qualities to the table? 

[19:23] Or should you each be contributing to the best of your abilities in our own special way?

[19:32] What's the meaning of seasons in life? 

[20:01] Are you accounting for the differences in personalities, temperaments, and abilities you each have? 

[20:16] Are you communicating your needs properly? 

[21:02] Are you using punishments to control or manipulate your partner?

[21:37] Are you truly looking for you both to shine your brightest? 

[21:47] Are you holding onto a victim mindset?

[22:02] Are you ready to let you both shine in your unique and individual ways?

[22:37] There's no such thing as a win-lose in relationships. If one loses, you both lose.

Ultimately how we partner is how we parent. We should do everything we can to be peaceful partners, because it will translate into our parenting and make a big difference in all of our relationships. 

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Resources:

• Check out our latest training, Worth The Fight.