Ask Margaret - Do I Get a Say On Who My Kids' Friends Are?

This week's listener question comes from Kristen in our Facebook group: How much input should I have on my kids' choice of friends? This is a hard one. Ceding control over our kids' lives is anxiety-producing, and one of the first ways we need to practice letting go is when our kids choose friends that - let's say - wouldn't have been our first choice for them. So that's the bad news. The good news is that we do still have a role to play in this situation. Just as with our own kids, when we address the behavior of our kids' friends, rather than their character, we'll get better results. We can (and should!) verbalize things like "I don't like when I see [insert friend's name] using bad language." That message will be heard by our child with a lot less defensiveness than if we say "That [insert friend's name] is such a bad kid!" Here are other things you can consider doing if you're worried about the kinds of friends your kid is choosing: Keep your child involved in a range of activities, so they're exposed to a wider potential friend group. Have gatherings at your house so you can get a better sense of your child's friendship dynamics and how they're playing out. Help your child develop "prospecting" by talking about behavior and consequences frequently. Implement concrete consequences for a friend's inappropriate behavior. If your child knows she'll lose her phone for the day if her friend sends her an inappropriate text, she might be more motivate to set her own boundaries on that friend's behavior (or that friendship). Our kids' friends can sometimes seem to have an outsized amount of influence over our kids. Hence our concern as parents. But if we are consistent with our own expectations and discipline, we can help our children navigate a range of friendships successfully. Hear more about this topic in our episode "Kid Friend Breakups": https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2018/05/kid-friend-breakups-episode-55/ And if you have a question for Margaret or Amy you can submit them to: [email protected]. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When you're a parent, every day brings a "fresh hell" to deal with. In other words, there's always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you're not alone, and it won't always be this hard. We're Amy and Margaret, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn't like. In each episode of "What Fresh Hell" we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood. If you've ever wondered "why is my kid..." then one of us has probably been there, and we're here to tell you what we've learned along the way. We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies. We offer our best parenting tips and skills we've learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship. If you're the default parent in your household, whether you're a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!   whatfreshhellpodcast.com